The dangerous cost of raising comfortable kids

(Republished from the Christian Post – christianpost.com)

By Lauren Gaines, Op-ed contributor Saturday, August 08, 2026

“Mom, I really don’t want to go back.” My son gave me his best puppy-dog eyes as he stood in the kitchen, refusing to get changed out of his pajamas. After two days of a six-hour basketball camp with two hundred kids he barely knew, he was done. Not only did he feel physically tired, but he also felt emotionally spent too. He couldn’t bear the thought of experiencing another lunch break not knowing who to talk to or where to sit.

For a second, I almost let him stay home. I didn’t want to spend the day worrying if he was okay. But something in me knew: If I let him quit now because it felt hard, I’d reinforce a terrible lie that he can’t do hard things.

Against his wishes, I reluctantly drove him back to camp. Looking back, part of me wanted to save him from the discomfort not only for his sake, but also for mine.

If I’m being honest, this wasn’t the first time I almost rescued one of my kids from adversity. My brain tends to think worst-case scenarios. As a result, when my kids come to me with a problem, I’m already 20 steps ahead of them — brainstorming all the negative consequences I see coming.

But here’s the truth: 99% of the time, none of those worst-case scenarios happen. And when I rob my kids of adversity, I’m also robbing them of resilience, determination, and perseverance.

Why parents are so inclined to rescue their children

As a culture, we hate discomfort. Think about it: every new invention, gadget, or system is created to make life easier and more tolerable. Groceries delivered to our front door with a push of a button. Mattress toppers that heat and cool throughout the night, keeping us at the perfect temperature. Endless entertainment in our pockets so we never have to endure silence or waiting. Our society serves a god and his name is comfort.

Because every area of our life is optimized to be easier and more comfortable, when life gets hard, we don’t like it. In parenting, when we face challenges, it’s incredibly tempting to choose the path of least resistance. Life is demanding. We’re overworked, overscheduled, and overstimulated. So, when our kids push a boundary, the thought of holding the line feels like too much. Discipline is uncomfortable. It doesn’t make us feel good. And the temptation to choose peace and sanity now instead of resilience, grit, and the ability to do hard things tomorrow is incredibly strong.

We want instant gratification. Quick solutions. We’ll order Uber Eats because we don’t feel like cooking. If Amazon can’t deliver it in two days, we’ll look somewhere else. Unfortunately, in parenting, those convenient quick fixes don’t produce good outcomes. Good parenting requires patience.

The trouble is today many parents allow their kids to quit at the first sign of discomfort. Parents and kids alike don’t have endurance. As soon as a child shows any negative emotion, parents go into fix-it mode and want to take away the stressor. Or worse, they let their kids sit in their feelings and allow sadness, anger, resentment, or frustration to dictate the future. Too often, parents allow their children’s feelings, not God’s wisdom, to become the deciding factor.

Discipline is uncomfortable for both the person receiving it and the person giving it. Hebrews 12:11 (NIV) tells us, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.” No one wants to accept or give punishment. But does that mean we should avoid it? Discomfort is a part of life, and when we prevent our children from experiencing it, they become hypersensitive, weak, and unable to do hard things.

Parents, we must wake up before it’s too late. If we’re not intentional, we’ll end up raising kids who don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other when life gets hard.

As modern parents, how should we react when our kids face frustration or adversity?

We must stop rescuing our children

God is the perfect parent. How does He respond when we face difficulty? Though God’s love for us endures forever (Psalm 136), He still allows us to walk through valleys (Psalm 23:4). God doesn’t always immediately save us from our discomfort. Because He knows the seasons where we struggle eventually lead to an abundant harvest.

As parents, we can love our children and stand by them no matter what. Of course, it hurts our hearts to see our children struggle, but instead of rescuing them right away from discomfort or negative feelings, what if we gave our kids the opportunity to grow? What if we pushed them to walk through the challenge instead of saving them from it?

We must stop negotiating with our kids

Along with not rescuing our children at every turn, we need to evaluate how much say we give our children. Many parenting experts encourage us to let children negotiate the limits and make more of their own decisions in the name of independence.

But what is that teaching our kids? That when they don’t like a rule, they don’t have to follow it? Or when life gets tough, they can just quit? God made parents for a reason. We have more life experience, wisdom, and perspective than our children. If we consistently let our children determine what they’ll do based on how they feel in the moment, they’ll often choose the easy way out. But resilience is built when children learn to push through, even when they don’t feellike it. While it’s wise to listen to our children’s thoughts and feelings, parents shouldn’t surrender God-given authority simply because a child dislikes the boundary.

Parenting is hard work. But it’s possible to raise kids who have strong work ethics, respect authority, and don’t back away when obstacles come in their path. We can teach them that even when it’s hard, God never leaves them (Deuteronomy 31:6) and when they bring their troubles to their strong and mighty God, He is sure to move on their behalf. Together, with God, they can do hard things.

Next time your child is uncomfortable, pause before you act. Ask God if this is an opportunity to stretch, grow, or prune your child. The hard work of parenting may not pay off for years but know that as you plant seeds in your child’s heart today, harvest time is coming.

Not only did my son survive the rest of the week at basketball camp, but at the end, he was named the most outstanding camper out of 200 kids! But his greatest reward wasn’t the trophy. He won something far more valuable: the lesson that with God’s help, he could do something he once believed he couldn’t.

You can’t get to the mountaintop without walking through a few valleys first. Our job as parents isn’t to keep our kids out of the valleys. It’s to teach them to look toward the one who walks through the valley with them.

Lauren Gaines writes for the mom who knows God has more for her family. An author, speaker, and homeschool mom, she is passionate about helping parents raise spiritually strong and emotionally healthy children. She is the founder of Inspired Motherhood and the author of Unshakable Kids. Learn more at inspired-motherhood.com.